Seriously, what a shit year.
This week has been the worst week of my worst year, just really punctuating what a shitty horrible year this has been.
Over the last two weeks, Alfie has been sick sick sick. At first it seemed like any old childhood virus, a fever, lots of sleeping. But then there was a rash and then the rash spread over his whole body and he was diagnosed with Scarlet Fever. Which was so so scary, but treatable because despite it's medieval-ish name it is just a variation of strep and can be taken care of with antibiotics. Bea caught it too and was put on antibiotics as well. Bea's rash cleared up almost immediately. But Alfie's lingered and got worse and his temperature soared into frightening numbers.
We head back to the doctor and she thinks it might be this or that, but after blood tests they can only rule out what it isn't. That left Kawasaki Disease- which is unrelated to zippy motorcycles- an autoimmune syndrome. It was treatable, but it also threatened to damage his heart or worse. That "or worse" scared the shit out of me, I can't even bare to write it down even now. His doctor told us to immediately go to the hospital. There he was hooked up to monitors and an IV, they pumped him full of intravenous immunoglobulins to fight the the fever and rash, something his body should have been producing all along. But we still had to be wary of his heart, that damage might have already been done. He went in for an electrocardiogram the next day. I saw my little boy's heart flicker on a screen just like I did when he was in my belly.
He was in the clear.
He will have his heart checked again in a couple of weeks. He is on an aspirin regimen like an old man. He hates children's chewable aspirin with his entire being and every dose is a huge fight and so draining on him and me. There is begging and bribery and threats and tears. It is horrible, but he is better.
I am exhausted and stressed and so, so done with this year.
All that being said, there have been wonderful parts of my year! My children, my wonderful, smart, funny children have been a constant respite from this crapstorm of a year. My family has stood by me and supported me. I made new amazing friends and reconnected with old friends. Weirdly, I have kissed more boys in the last 9 months than I did in the previous 35 years. That's something. Truly there are a multitude of things for which I am both thankful and happy in this year.
But the overarching theme of this year is a big old pile of dog crap.
The kids are with me tonight, so my big plans are kissing my sweet babies at midnight, eating food that is bad for me, watching bad movies, and flipping a big double bird to the shadows of this shitty year disappearing over the horizon.
I have never meant it more than I do now when I say that I wish us all the happiest of new years!!