***WARNING: this post talks about sex and acknowledges that sometimes I have sex or have had sex in the past or could possibly have sex in the future. If you are related to me by blood or have a queasy stomach, I advise you to proceed with caution!***
I have been thinking a lot about sluts.
I have had a lot of sex. Now since I was monogamous in a relationship for the majority of my adult life, I have not had sex with a lot of men, but if we crunch the numbers, I would guess that I had a lot more sex than the average single person my age during that same time period.
I like sex. Someone once asked if I was a nympho and besides being mildly insulting to imply I have a mental condition because I enjoy sex, my answer was no, but I consider myself very sex positive. Sex makes me happy and to me it is the least complex part of any relationship - it makes me feel good and makes the person who I love/who's company I enjoy feel good. Pretty simple in my mind.
Being single and dating has been very interesting in some bullshit sociological way. Previously I didn't have much intention in my intereaction with men, they were entertaining, they were friends, but I didn't need anything from them. Previously I did not having to work very hard to get laid. I mean when you are in a relationship every kiss can lead to sex, a nudge in the middle of the night can lead to sex, getting the kids to bed on time can lead to sex. So now all the complex layers of "Will he, won't he? Should I make a move? Should I just ask for it?" are all very interesting to me. And it was hard to go from sex at a whim to feeling a vague pressure to fit into some idea of a chaste and coy woman. Fuck that. It is not like they give you a shot of novocaine to your nether regions with your divorce decree.
Now, I was lead to believe that any woman regardless of looks or personality or mental stability could find some dude somewhere to fuck her at a moments notice. Initially, I had my doubts, but I have found this to be true. Is that the "best" way to go about it? Meh, two consenting adults and all that. Of course, ideally sex would be in the context of a loving relationship and comes with meaningful conversations and shared dreams and tra-la-la-la-la. But very little in this world is ideal and I still want to get laid.
I have never understood the some of morality mixed in with sex. As long as everyone is willing and enjoying themselves, I don't see how an artificial moral code should apply. Should everyone involved be sensitive to the other's feelings? Of course! Should participants be kind and try to be understanding? Of course! Just because one is a slutbag doesn't mean one has license to be an asshole as well.
I don't know why I have been thinking about this so much lately, it is not like I am bedding some random fellow every night. Like I said, the number notches in my headboard are still unenviably low, but I tend to get all tangled up with the idea of things so this has been on my mind. I just had never considered the idea that I would be in the position to consider these ideas again, so I am pretty blown away by the small intricacies of it all.
All that said, every time I have managed to lure some fella home, I am amazed. I am amazed at the unexpected conversations, I am amazed at the jokes and ridiculous situations, I am amazed that despite sometimes a world of difference there is a basic humanity that connects us all. And most of the time I am amazed at the sex.
People are amazing. Sex is amazing. So I guess I am coming out as a slut and I feel pretty good about it.